


Break My Heart Again

by wordsandwickedthings



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Heartbreak, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:48:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24655600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsandwickedthings/pseuds/wordsandwickedthings
Summary: "kissed me half a decade later, that same perfume, those same sad eyes."Draco was Harry's first crush, and later his first kiss. their adolescent relationship full of repression and secrets - from the world, from each other; the tension between the two boys building and building. And inevitably tension must release or shatter. Harry just didn't know he could shatter twice.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 1
Kudos: 23





	Break My Heart Again

**Author's Note:**

> a lot has happened since my last work, and I can't describe in words how pissed off I am and how we have to come face to face so often with how cruel and evil people - especially the police - can be.   
> I put a few links in the endnotes to charities and gofundme's, if you're able please donate.  
> black lives fucking matter.  
> p.s. know a stupid fic won't fix anything or help but I hope you enjoy none the less.

There are somethings in life we cannot escape; heartache is one of them. And heartache had a way of fallowing Harry through life like a ghost. No matter how far he ran, no matter how hard he fought – Harry Potter was haunted. And nothing haunted him quite like Draco Malfoy. 

Draco Malfoy. Harry’s first crush, whether his adolescent mind was willing to admit it at the time or not. He was snarky, sarcastic, and far too dramatic for young harry to deal with – and he was all the teen thought about at night. 

Harry tried to keep the feelings that burned in him to himself. He knew there was a shame to it, not just because Draco was a boy, but because he was Draco. Shitty, self-absorbed, evil Draco. He was not someone who held a high status in the chosen boy’s head; but that didn’t stop the blonde from being in his head. all. The. Damned. Time. 

The chosen boy tried so hard to keep his secret, but it came crashing down like Harry always knew it would. No secret can hold forever. 

Draco had cornered him in an abandoned hallway and shoved him against a wall, wand pointed at him. His goons weren’t with him for once, the two nemeses were alone. Harry hated being alone with him, when they were alone, he couldn’t focus on anything else besides the blonde – the blonde who had murder in his eyes. 

“you think your clever, potter?” Draco growled. 

Harry tilted his head like a dog, “I’m cleverer than you.” 

“I know it was you who told Dumbledore I was in the forbidden section.” 

“How would I know you were in the forbidden section,” Harry challenged, “it’s forbidden.” 

The marauder's map came in handy sometimes, no matter how petty the cause. 

Draco pushed him further into the wall, “you’re putrid.” 

Harry ignored the flutter deep in his gut, and laughed, “and you’re vile, what’s your point?” 

“Why do I put up with you?” the blonde practical screamed. 

“I don’t know,” the chosen one yelled back, “why can’t you just leave me alone?” 

“maybe I don’t want to!” 

Both boys were silent after that, Harry’s heart racing as fast as his mind was. 

He couldn’t think, so out of instinct he slammed his lips against the other boys, ignoring how Draco’s wand pressed into the vein in his neck. Harry didn’t know how long their lips touched. a second? Maybe two? Before Draco pushed him away, a look of shock on his face. 

Fuck. 

Harry closed his eyes as Draco ran away, he couldn’t breathe – fuck fuck fuck. 

The two boys avoided each other for weeks after that, and the chosen boy almost preferred it that way, no matter how strange it felt. Harry waited for Draco to tell the whole school what happened in the hallway, too mock him, too sneer at him. It never came, though; Draco didn’t seem to acknowledge the fact that Harry existed at all. The chosen boy didn’t know how to feel about that. For so long he wanted Draco to just leave him alone, even if in the back of his mind he reveled in the attention he got from the other boy. But now, Draco’s eyes on him, Harry felt wrong – like a part of his world had crumbled away overnight. 

Until one night when Harry was sneaking out to get some air. The weeks of Draco’s silence was getting to him, and no matter how much he didn’t want to admit it, he missed Draco’s annoying presence every day. 

Once again Draco found him in an abandoned hallway; It felt all too familiar when Draco pushed him up against the wall, but instead of pressing his wand to the chosen one’s neck, he pressed his mouth against Harry's. 

After that, the two boys kept a different secret. A secret that hid in towers and the room of requirement. A secret he shared with another through glances and inside jokes while the rest of the world watched – and when no one watched a secret the two boys reveled in. 

It was a secret that burned differently from its former. 

But it still burned. 

“what do you think your father would say if he could see us now?”

Draco didn’t look up from his parchment, “whatever curse he could think of first.” 

“He hates me.” Harry fiddled with his fingers. He had completely abandoned his essay. 

“I hate you.” 

“you have a funny way of showing it.” 

Draco put down his assignment, crawling up to harry until they were nose to nose. The chosen one lifted his head up to kiss him, but Draco pulled away before he could. There was a look in his eye that Harry couldn’t pinpoint, and Harry didn’t like it. “don’t make this out to be something it’s not.” 

Harry scrunched his nose, “what is it not?”

“Love,” Draco said like it was nothing, “infatuation, tenderness, feelings.” 

“feelings,” Harry echoed. 

“We don’t have to dress this up and make it look nice.” 

“Why are you saying this shit?” harry pushed the other boy off him, standing up. 

“what,” Draco frowned, “did you think we were doing?” 

“I didn’t –“ harry wiped his palm over his face, trying to articulate himself. “I don’t think we’re doing anything, Draco. I just thought maybe we weren’t enemies anymore.” 

Draco took a breath, closing his eyes, “that’s all we’ll ever be.” 

Harry tried to keep his voice even when he said, “then what’s the fucking point of this?” 

The chosen boy had a rule; no matter how far things went with Draco, no matter how deep the other boy took him – he would not hurt over him. He wouldn’t let Draco break him.

“Why does there have to be a point?” the Slytherin furrowed his eyebrows. “why can’t we just forget for a while?” 

“forget what?” 

“all of it,” Draco whispered, moving so they were close again. 

Harry nodded, “if you’re going to use me,” Harry said, frowning, “at least have the decency to not remind me how much you despise me.” 

“I’m a lot of things,” Draco reached out and tugged at one of Harry’s curls, the other boy didn’t like how his touch stung, “I’m not a liar.” 

“I think that’s all you are.” Harry spat. 

Draco pulled away, and the chosen boy felt triumph in the way his voice shook a bit, “we were stupid to do this.” 

That wasn’t something harry expected.

“what?” 

“I should have known this was a fucking bad idea,” Draco looked at him like he was nothing, and at that moment, Harry believed it. “and it’s over.” 

Harry furrowed his brow, “Yeah, uh, that’s probably for the best.” 

The chosen one looked back at that time with mixed feelings now that he was all grown up. The way hate and love burned in him with every touch the other boy gave him – everything the other boy took away. 

The war was over, and despite how Harry thought it would play out, he was alive. He was alive and had no idea what he would do next; he didn’t think he would get this far. People wanted him to be an Auror – he was the savior of the wizarding world, of course, people wanted him to be the one to protect them. Harry didn’t know if that was what he wanted though; he had spent his whole childhood fighting (even when he didn’t want to) he couldn’t imagine spending the rest of his life fighting too. 

So, harry spent most of his nights at the hog’s head’s bar, drinking and trying to forget – even if it was just for a moment – what was expected of him. 

And one-night Harry swore he saw a ghost. 

It wasn’t a ghost though; it was Draco Malfoy. Harry didn’t expect to see him at Hogsmeade; Harry didn’t expect to see him anywhere, really – the Malfoy’s had left England after the war, and after Lucius was put in Azkaban. 

Harry ducked his head down; fuck, fuck, fuck.

He didn’t need confrontation now. 

Draco saw him though, sliding into the chair next to him and whistling at the bartender to get him a beer. Harry couldn’t breathe, he felt like he did when he was a child, downing his drink to give him something to do while his mind raged between his ears. 

“scared, potter?” Draco finally said when he got his beer. 

Harry chuckled, “you’re not very scary Draco.” 

“could’ve fooled me by the way you’re shrinking into yourself.” 

“figured it’s the polite thing to do,” Harry said, pushing his glass forward to let the bartender fill it up. “neither of us needs a reminder.” 

Draco snorted, “well now we have one, so what’s the point of dancing around.” 

“I’m sorry about your father,” Harry replied without thinking. 

He could tell Draco wasn’t expecting that, taking a pregnant pause before saying, “so maybe we should dance around a few things.” 

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Harry flexed his hands, “I mean, I am sorry. It’s just – I didn’t want,” he sighed, “I tried to help.” 

Draco brought the drink to his mouth, “Yeah, I heard. I also heard you’re the reason I’m a free man.” 

The ex-chosen one shrugged, muttering, “you threw me my wand.” 

“I threw you your wand and suddenly every monstrous act help with is suddenly forgiven.” 

“Draco,” Harry tried. 

“Don’t,” Draco said, “don’t act like you fucking know me because we use to kiss when we were silly little kids.” 

Harry leaned against the bar, not making eye contact with the blonde in front of him, “we won, Draco. We don’t have to fight anymore.” 

“you won.” 

“Draco you are not,” the ex-chosen one deflated. 

He didn’t answer, instead of ordering a shot. 

Harry followed suit, and soon the tension between the two boys faded into drunk reminiscing. They laughed and talked about Hogwarts and their lives before and after until the bar rang its last call. 

Harry rubbed at his eyes, “where are you staying?” 

Draco smiled, “are you propositioning me, potter?” 

“tragically,” harry slurred, pulling Draco out of his seat, “only for a com - companion on the walk.” 

“mmm, yes, tragic.” 

Draco didn’t actually tell Harry where they were going, just stumbled out of the pub, and started walking down the street with the raven-haired boy following him like a puppy.   
When Draco started to stumble more and more, Harry wrapped his hand around the other boy’s bicep to steady him, tugging his sleeve up enough to see his mark. Harry shot his head up, the drunk haze of his mind racing as he tried to keep his mouth shut. 

It didn’t work, it never worked. 

“You still have your mark.” 

Draco looked at him, clearly not all there. “yeah,” he mumbled, “turns out that kinda magic is hard to undo.” 

“tell me about it,” Harry said, scratching at his forehead. 

“do you remember when I got it?” the other boy said out of the blue. “I have never seen you… you angrier.” 

“I was hoping maybe I could convince you to be on my side instead.” 

Draco’s eyebrows furrowed, his silence weighing. 

He finally said, “I wish I’d let you save me.” 

“you were just a kid, Draco. A kid who had his entire life decided for him by people he trusted, and you were brave enough to walk away.” 

Draco stopped Harry from walking, using his shoulders to balance himself, “I should have fought with you,” he dug his fingers into the fabric of the other boy’s shirt, “I should have stayed with you.” 

“it doesn’t matter anymore now,” Harry whispered, without thinking pulled Draco closer, “what we did doesn’t matter anymore.” 

“it’s so easy to say that when what you did was save the world.” 

Harry tugged his bottom lip in between his teeth, “I couldn’t save everyone though.” 

Draco nodded, closing the space so their foreheads were pressed together. Harry sucked in a breath, becoming to acutely aware of how long it had been since the two boys had been properly close to one another. 

“I’m sorry,” Draco whispered, “I’m sorry for everything I did.” 

Harry didn’t get a chance to respond, Draco pressing his mouth to the other man. 

They didn’t kiss like teenagers anymore; both more aware of where to put their lips and their hands. The two men melded their actions together into a rhythm. They should be stumbling more, harry thought, they hadn’t done this in years – they shouldn’t fit together this well. 

Draco pulled away to catch his breath, pulling harry into the inn with him. 

Harry woke alone that next morning; in a bed that wasn’t his, and a headache that was unbearable. Draco was nowhere to be found. 

Harry dragged himself so he was sitting up, rubbing his eyes. He was trying to stay calm, but all of that was thrown out the window when harry twisted his head and saw a piece of paper placed delicately where Draco had been the night before. 

All it said was sorry, potter. 

The ex-chosen one locked his jaw.

Again, he thought, rubbing his hand against the stubble of his chin, he let that boy pull him in again just to shatter him. 

“you had one rule, chosen boy.” He whispered to himself. 

He apparated home.

**Author's Note:**

> George Floyd's daughter - https://www.gofundme.com/f/gianna-floyd-daughter-of-george-floyd-fund  
> justice for Breonna Taylor - https://www.gofundme.com/f/9v4q2-justice-for-breonna-taylor  
> national bailouts - https://secure.actblue.com/donate/freeblackmamas2020  
> black lives matter - https://secure.actblue.com/donate/ms_blm_homepage_2019


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